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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23938621">She Will Be Loved</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/justlovely/pseuds/justlovely'>justlovely</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>To All the Boys I've Loved Before Series - Jenny Han, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Eating Disorders, F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 23:34:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,285</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23938621</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/justlovely/pseuds/justlovely</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It was Gen’s comment. ‘If you do want to fit into your jeans come summer, you should probably start ordering the salad.’ Lara Jean has always been an overthinker. She overanalyzes everything, playing conversations over and over again in her head. What Gen said struck a chord in her. She’s never been insecure about her body before. Sure, she’s had days where she’s felt bloated, or wished her stomach was flatter, legs longer, but who hasn’t. Gen was drop dead gorgeous. No doubt one of the most, if not the most, attractive girl in their class. A part of her knew Gen was trying to get under her skin, but a part of her wondered what if? What if what Gen said was true?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Peter Kavinsky &amp; Lara Jean Song-Covey, Peter Kavinsky/Lara Jean Song-Covey</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>70</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was Gen’s comment. ‘If you do want to fit into your jeans come summer, you should probably start ordering the salad.’ Lara Jean has always been an overthinker. She overanalyzes everything, playing conversations over and over again in her head. ‘I should have said this’ or ‘I should have asked that’. What Gen said struck a chord in her. She’s never been insecure about her body before. Sure, she’s had days where she’s felt bloated, or wished her stomach was flatter, legs longer, but who hasn’t. Gen was drop dead gorgeous. No doubt one of the most, if not the most, attractive girl in their class. If Gen had to watch her weight, what about the rest of us? A part of her knew Gen was trying to get under her skin, but a part of her wondered what if? What if what Gen said was true?<br/>
<br/>
She watched Gen walk away in her tight skinny jeans and ribbed top. The top was flush against her skin, and flat on her stomach without an inch to pinch. Lara Jean looked down at her own outfit. She had been so proud of her outfit that morning, she found the skirt at a vintage boutique with Peter and ordered the tights off this cute Korean website. But now she wasn’t so sure. Did the skirt make her hips look big? What about her top? It fitted perfectly this morning, but now seemed too tight.<br/>
<br/>
She walked back to the table with Peter, Chris, and their friends.<br/>
<br/>
‘Got you a turkey sandwich with apple. Your favorite.’ Peter offers, sliding a sandwich her way.<br/>
<br/>
Lara Jean gives him a smile. ‘I’m not hungry.’<br/>
<br/>
Peter shoots her a questioning look. ‘I had a really big breakfast.’ She explains.<br/>
<br/>
‘Don’t mind if I do.’ Chris says reaching over Lara Jean for the sandwich, tearing off its wrapping and taking a big bite.<br/>
<br/>
‘Chris’ Peter frowns at her. ‘That was for Lara Jean.’<br/>
<br/>
‘Lara Jean didn’t want it!’ Chris defends, her mouth filled with sandwich.<br/>
<br/>
‘It’s ok. Chris can have it. Turkey with apple is my favorite. You’re so sweet.’ She pecks Peter on the check. He perks up at the compliment, and goes back to talking about strategies for lacrosse with Trevor. <br/>
<br/>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
When Peter drops her off at home after school, the first thing she does is change into comfy loungewear. She feels like she can breathe again. Lara Jean is examining herself in the mirror when she hears a crash downstairs. ‘Kitty? You ok?’ she asks. No response. She makes her way out of the bathroom and looks down the stairs to see Trina in workout clothes, surrounded by a mountain of shoes that have fallen off their rack.  </p><p>Trina looks up at her. ‘I can’t find my spin shoes.’ She explains. ‘And its boy band night tonight!’ She’s throwing shoes over her shoulder left and right. ‘Well don’t just stand there, come help me girl!’</p><p>Lara Jean leaves her post, and goes downstairs, pulling Trina’s spin shoes from the top shelf in the closet.</p><p>‘They’re right here. I put them on top so you’d find them more easily.’ She says offering Trina the shoes.</p><p>‘Thanks LJ!’ Trina says putting on the shoes.</p><p>‘So… boy band night huh? That sounds like fun. Can I join you?’<br/>
<br/>
‘Sure! It’ll be so much fun Lara Jean. Hurry up and get dressed.’ Trina says excitedly.</p><p> </p><p>At Soul Cycle, Lara Jean can’t really keep up with the class. It’s not that she’s out of shape, but more that she’s a baker who enjoys romance novels instead of a fitness fanatic.<br/>
<br/>
‘Everyone here’s so good. And so fit.’ She thinks to herself as she looks around the room. Mostly women in yoga pants and sports bras or crop tops with toned arms and legs that go on for days. She feels self-conscious in her baggy t-shirt and shorts. She pushes herself harder and is dripping with sweat, but still can’t quite get a hold of the beat. </p>
<hr/><p><br/>
For dinner, Dr. Covey made Trina’s infamous lemon chicken. It’s not Lara Jeans favorite, but it’s still pretty good and she’s starving from skipping lunch.‘Eat up!’ her dad says as he sits down with a glass of wine. The rest of the family digs in while Lara Jean focuses on cutting up her food into tiny portions and takes small bites.<br/>
<br/>
‘Lara Jean eat up, you worked out hard at Soul Cycle!’ Trina says.<br/>
<br/>
Lara Jean smiles at Trina and takes a bigger bite for show. ‘Mmmmm. This is great Trina. Good job Dad.’  After, she goes back to pushing the food around on her plate.<br/>
<br/>
Her dad notices. ‘Is something wrong honey? Are you not feeling well?’ He goes into doctor mode and comes over to feel her forehead.<br/>
<br/>
‘I’m just nervous about this big calc test tomorrow. I really should study, can I take dinner up to my room?’ She asks. Her dad nods in agreement, and she takes her plate up to her room.<br/>
<br/>
She sets the plate on her vanity and goes to lay down on her bed. She tries to work on her homework, but can’t concentrate. Her stomach grumbles.‘It’s ok. Just ignore it.’ She thinks. Her stomach grumbles even louder.‘Maybe some water will help. Yeah, that’s a good idea.’ And she chugs half her hydroflask of water.<br/>
<br/>
‘That’s better.’ And she goes back to working on her homework. A little while later her stomach starts up again with vengeance. She looks over at the plate of lemon chicken and gulps. ‘Just a few bites.’ she says as she walks over to the plate, and takes a bite. Before she knows it, her plate is mostly gone and she feels awful. She was doing so well. Now all the calories she burned during Soul Cycle were wasted.<br/>
<br/>
At that moment, Dr. Covey knocks on her door and comes in. ‘Oh good, you finished dinner. I’ll take the plate down for you.’ He offers taking the plate from her. ‘Good luck on your test tomorrow. Study hard.’ He wishes her before heading back downstairs.</p><p><br/>
Later that night Lara Jean is getting ready for bed. She’s already changed into llama pajamas and her hair is in a French braid so she’ll have waves tomorrow. She lays in bed and tries to sleep but can’t. She feels guilty about the chicken. About all the calories. Frustrated she gets out of bed and starts to do sit ups on the floor.<br/>
<br/>
1... 2.... 3.... 4... she huffs 5...6....7....</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>It's been a little whiles, but inspiration has struck and I'm coming back to this. A couple of chapters have already been written, so I guess we'll see how this goes!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Beep-Beep, Beep-Beep, Beep-Beep </p><p> </p><p>It’s 6:53AM and her alarm is blaring. The annoying sound continues to blast through her room and she groans. She rolls over and covers her ears from the offending sound with her pillow but it doesn’t help. Groggily she swings her legs over off the bed, and sits up flinching at the soreness she feels all over. She drags herself out of bed and makes her way over to the closet to pick out an outfit for the day, settling on simple black yoga pants and Peter’s lacrosse sweatshirt from last year’s Championship game. </p><p>When she’s done getting ready, Lara Jean heads downstairs just in time to wave Trina off as she rushes out the door with her extra-large coffee thermos in hand. She smiles at the memory of Trina’s once daily routine of spilling coffee. </p><p>‘You should order the salad.’ The words echo in her head. She’s already cracked a few eggs and is scrambling them for her and Kitty when she remembers what Gen said. She eyes the eggs cooking in front of her, way more than a serving for Kitty. Should she pack Kitty her portion of scrambled eggs for lunch? Is that weird - scrambled eggs for lunch? Maybe she could save them for a ‘breakfast for dinner’ type meal tonight. With just one serving of scrambled eggs? She quickly scraps that idea. Then her solution comes running in through the doggy door. Jamie Fox Pickle. Bingo. </p><p>‘Here boy’ she says as she spoons her portion of the eggs into his food dish. </p><p>He hungrily eats it all up, licking his bowl and looking up at her for more. </p><p>‘That’s it.’ she tells him. ‘Shhhh’ she moves her finger to her lips when she hears Kitty coming down the stairs. </p><hr/><p>Peter is leaning up against his Jeep waiting for her and texting on his phone. As she walks to his car, she feels her thighs twitch from soreness with every step forward.</p><p>Peter notices. ‘You ok?’ he asks as he reaches out to steady her. </p><p>‘Yeah, I went to SoulCycle with Trina last night. Guess I’m just a little sore.’ </p><p>‘Is that my sweatshirt?’ Peter eyes her. ‘It fits you well.’ Lara Jean smiles, but it starts to fade as she can’t help analyze his words. What does he mean it fits her well? She thought it was clearly oversized, but maybe not? Was she really this big?’ She bites her lip. </p><p>Peter can’t help but sneak glances at her as they make their way to school. She looks so good in his sweatshirt. He sees that she’s lost somewhere deep in her thoughts, and squeezes her hand. She squeezes back, and he tries to concentrate on the road and not on his girlfriend and how ridiculously hot she looks in his clothes. </p><p> </p><p>‘Hey LJ, you’re walking kind of funny today.’ Trevor comments. </p><p>‘Yeah, last night I...’ he cuts her off. ‘Nope don’t wanna hear it. What you and Pete do is your own business.’ </p><p>Peter and Lara Jean both give him a look. Peter gives him a shove. ‘Dude.’ </p><p>‘So as I was saying, last night I went to Soul Cycle you perv.’ Lara Jean clarifies. </p><p> </p><p>‘Don’t you have lunch?’ Peter questions. </p><p>‘Oh shoot, I forgot it at home today.’ She lies. </p><p>Immediately Peter pushes out his chair and stands up. ‘I’m going to get you a sandwich.’ Lara Jean grabs his sleeve. ‘Don’t, it’s ok.’ </p><p>‘Are you sure?’ She nods, and he sits back down. ‘If you’re hungry later, we can stop at the diner on the way home for pancakes.’ </p><p>He offers her half of his own sandwich, but she declines. Rifling through his lunch, Peter pulls out a Ziplock with celery sticks, and two smaller containers, one with peanut butter and another with chocolate chips and raisins. ‘You’ll love this’ he tells her, ‘a snack, and a craft.’ How can she resist when he has such good reasoning? </p><p>She takes the little baggy from him and goes to work smoothing a generous amount of creamy peanut butter onto the celery sticks before topping them off with tons of chocolate chips and raisins. She hands Peter the first one, before stuffing a plain stick in her mouth. </p><p>Did you know celery actually has negative calories because it takes so much energy to digest? She learned that while googling best diet foods last night. </p><p>Peter happily accepts his ants on a log. </p><p>‘Gabe?’ She offers him his own celery treat. Peter eyes her. </p><p>I like chunky peanut butter.’ She tells him. </p><hr/><p>‘Can I go with you again today?’ She asks Trina. </p><p>‘Yes! Of course! Its addicting isn’t it?’ </p><p>‘Uh yeah. It was fun.’ </p><p>Trina pulls her in and squeezes her tight. ‘We can make this our thing! Oh, we’ll have you get you your own shoes! ‘She’s already making plans for signing her up for a trial course, getting her a membership, and something else LJ didn’t quit catch, but she smiles along. </p><p>At Soul Cycle, Lara Jean pushes herself even harder. The instructor takes notices and calls her ‘most improved’. She feels a surge triumph and relishes in the praise. </p><p> </p><p>Dinner will be tricky she thinks. She can’t eat with the family or her dad will definitely notice. If she brings dinner up to her room, she might be away to get away with it? But she might also overindulge, like yesterday. So she lies. </p><p>‘I’m going to Chris’s for dinner.’ </p><p>Her dad looks up from his papers, his glasses sitting low on the bridge of his nose. ‘Oh is Mrs. Donati’s cooking again?’ He asks because Chris’s mom is notorious for not cooking. Or should she say not cooking well. Let’s just say the fire department has paid Chris’s house many a visit, especially during dinner time. </p><p>‘Yep. She’s on a new cooking kick and Chris begged me to come save her.’ </p><p>Her dad smiles. ‘Ok honey, have fun. You and Chris can always come back here if you’re still hungry afterwards.’ </p><p>‘Dad!’ She can’t believe he said that. The corners of his mouth pull up into a small smirk. </p><p>‘Get going, you don’t want to be late. Or maybe you do.’ </p><p>‘Dad!’ He can’t help but chuckle this time. </p><hr/><p>Lara Jean is in the car when she realizes she doesn’t know where to go. She’s obviously not going to Chris’s for dinner. Chris doesn’t even go to Chris’s for dinner. </p><p>She could go to the diner? Peter’s house? No, he’s probably having dinner too. So she ends up at the library. </p><p>She’s stuck on a physics problem when someone sits down in front of her. It’s Gen. </p><p>‘Oh hi Lara Jean’ she says sickly sweet. </p><p>‘Hi’ what was Gen even doing in a library. </p><p>‘I saw you ate lunch today.’</p><p>‘Ok?’ Lara Jean isn’t sure what she’s getting at. </p><p>‘I saw you with your little celery sticks. Good job taking my advice.’</p><p>Gen smirks, flips her hair, and just like that she’s gone. Her ‘praise’ leaves Lara Jean feeling anxious and triggered, but also a tiny bit pleased, like she’s doing something right. That part sends fear shooting down her spine. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Please send some feedback my way, and let me know what you think!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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